Dating mothers with kids
It's not uncommon for children to love their father's girlfriend but as soon as Dad and girlfriend say, "I do", their feelings change drastically, often times confusing even them.
Soon, couples come into my office saying, "We never knew it would be this hard." Yeah, it's hard. 62-74% of remarriages with children end up in divorce. This number can be reduced by getting rid of unrealistic expectations and being prepared for the difficulties that will naturally present themselves.
It's not uncommon for divorced men, especially if they think their ex is a less-than-adequate mother, to want you to come in and fill a "mommy hole" for his children.
Men may not consciously realize this, but most divorced men I work with will admit to wanting their new partner to be a bit like Mother Teresa and Mary Poppins combined.
Some love to file court hearings at the drop of a hat and there is the potential for you, if you are living or ultimately married to him, to be pulled into these post-marital dramas. Many of you may have found out the hard way that your new love had lousy boundaries with his ex.
If he has a friendly relationship with his ex, how friendly is it? The ex dropped by, came into the home and maybe even had a key!
Your guy must make it clear to his ex about how much communication is needed and to emphasize that it needs to be focused on the kids. Find out what his expectations are when it comes to your role with his children.Divorce is a type of death and requires a process of grief, even when one may have desperately wanted the divorce. Most men live with guilt post-divorce, even when a divorce is more than warranted. BTW, if he's separated versus divorced, consider that a red flag. If he has a hostile relationship with his ex, you can expect a lot more complications than what will already naturally exist when dating or living with a guy who has kids.When there are kids involved, it's a major loss for them. They feel especially powerless and shameful if the mother of their children turned out to be not such a great mother. There's a reason for the expression, "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread." 2. Hostile ex-wives tend to extend their bitterness to the new woman in her ex's life.Your guy loves you, thinks your terrific, and may want you to sprinkle your magic fairy dust around and help him clean up any mess left over from his previous marriage and divorce. There is no such thing as a "bonus mom" unless the kids themselves decide to see you that way and the majority of them won't."You are not my mother" is not only a declaration made by kids, it's the truth. Know that his children will most likely take a long time to accept you.